I STRAY OFF TOPIC...
H: Why are DD and I so close? It feels as if he is a part of me; I always feel him with me, I see and hear him more often than now…
M: My dear, DD has followed you since you were very small and has always been an influence on you. Indeed you are as one, for you took to him immediately upon meeting him formally. You felt a very strong connection and beyond that, you made a bind with him, although I would have preferred you do so in a different manner.
M: The patterns of your souls are very closely linked and nearly identical. It is as if you were twins. You are about as close to being twins as you can possibly be. Your DNA shows you quite close by blood as well. Simply put, DD is your soul’s match.
M: Now let this not remove the importance of DR! No, for he is the one who was sent to care for you and to work with you in the Mind Arts. You and DR bring a very powerful combination of energies into this world which will need to be honed into one deadly double-edged sword come the end times. What I say of DD though is that as far as the closeness that can be achieved between two people on a spiritual level, you and he will naturally be about as close as two people can be, and you should embrace this, for although you have taken his place in the Circle, as two healers, you are exemplary in your work together. Your brother is very much a part of you, as you are of him. You felt his pain as DR and MD were torturing the daemons out of him, did you not?
H: Yes and that is why I had to order it stopped. It was unbearable.
M: I felt it as well, love. I could not stop myself from feeling it, for he is that close to me as well. He loves you very much, Heather, and although his actions are often inappropriate, it must be understood that much of it has been demon-based and that which is not, he must account for. However, as he knows you deeper, he learns his limits with you and he has been respecting them well, has he not?
H: Yes, he’s been beautiful, a true pleasure to be with.
M: Very good then. Once you have spent your allotted time with the rest of the Elders, I think you would to well to seek Elven knowledge with DD in your healing arts. This will strengthen you both greatly. Seek out those who are willing to teach. In two months’ time, I expect your knowledge on not only the healing herbs but also the healing magics to be greatly expanded.. At that time which you and your brother will go in search of the Elves, I will trust him to travel with you. This also depends on there being no re-occurrence of the Dark Air. I am sure he is looking forward to this much as you are, for I can sense him eavesdropping.
H: As can I. Nothing gets past him when it pertains to me.
M: Yet another symbol of his bond with you. You have something very strong between you, my love. I trust you will learn how to use it well.
H: When is your birthday?
M: Oh, I have not celebrated that in centuries.
H: But when?
M: April 2nd.
H: What year?
M: 420. And my crossing, 517.
H: Thank you (smiles) You’re pulling me in today, aren’t you?
M: Hahaha I am doing no such thing. You miss me because you have been spending all your time with your brothers when you should be here in study.
DD: I want you to know, I still love you. No matter what you do, I still love you.
H: If you’re referring to MD…
D: Yes. I know. And… I don’t know how you could feel that way for someone like that, but then I take a look at myself and how weak I was and how badly I wronged you by letting those things use me to get to you… I’m no better than he is. In fact, I’m much worse. I was the one who was supposed to protect you from things like that and look what happened? My love for you became lust that they fed off of and they used my own feelings against you and I let them. <Sigh…> That’s why… I understand if you have a heart and desires for MA, or MD, or anyone else for that matter. Though you are not possessed as was I, you are still a young, beautiful woman and I understand that desires of the flesh and matters of the heart can be overpowering to you especially because of what you have had to live through. You deserve the best and you deserve the most out of life and if after all is said and done you still have love to give then by God you should give it and why should you not in turn receive it as well?
MA DESCRIBES THE TRAPS THAT I HAVE LAID AROUND MY ASTRAL CASTLE... AT THIS POINT, I STILL HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING MUCH OF WHAT I ACTUALLY DO ON THE PLANES
MA SPEAKS:
First, do not worry about MD. Although he is quite dark, he is a friend in your heart. The dragons and others about your property, the other beasts, the climbing vine – they all know of your relationship to him and he will not be harmed in the least.
Your cave system and the holds within your castle are the only things protected from absolutely everyone but yourself. Since your Sapphire was once protected by (hydra) who now prefers your lake and cavern system, we have completely hidden it within the (private) tree whose roots will quickly entrap and leave to rot anyone who would sense it and try to dig it out.
Those living in the fishing village have access to your grounds including the greenhouse – but not to anywhere within the castle or the temple itself. The temple is your wood is sacred and shall remain so, protected by the deities as it was erected in their honour and to serve them and the Earth. It was used last night by you, Elder N and myself to ask for their protection over these lands, and an offering of white lilies and honey was left at the foot of the altar. The gods were quite appeased.
As we walk the borders of your home grounds – the castle and the surrounding woods, lakes, sea, mountains and glades, you will be able to sense a wall of energy. This wall turns turbulent when approached by someone or something that you know in your heart is not welcome here. Because of your connection to these grounds, because they were born from your energy, it knows who is welcome and who is not. SA, for example, will not be able to just walk in again.
There are many strengths besides yours that were put into the main outer wall here, including mine, the collective Circle’s, the Dragons’ and the gods;. You and your grounds are well-protected. A demon or other harmful entity trying to cross this wall will immediately be caught in a cyclone of pure energy – there is no specific elemental association, so it cannot be countered as previous shields were. They will be sucked back down to the gates of hell.
Those who would attempt to come up through the ground will be met with a solid wall of iron that they cannot cross because it is infused with pure crystal. It will burn them alive, as will the crystal air, which forms a closure to your skies.
Normal beings needing rest or assistance will be able to walk straight through and access your fountain and your herbs. They will not however be able to enter the castle itself.
You must now create a scroll of those you wish to have access to the inside of your castle. These names will be energetically burned into the memory of each door, window and access point of the building. If one who wishes to enter has not been recognized by the Scroll, they may only enter with your accompaniment.
The Knowing Glass above your front doors has been disabled and now only watches the goings on to the South. The vine walls however are still quite active and will remain so.
As we enter your castle, we will find that doorknobs to private rooms – your library, your crystals, your weapons, your magickal items – all carry a powerful electric charge that will instantly render a man unconscious. To enter these rooms, one must share a similarity to your energy patterns within their hand print of energy. In other words, they must be someone who is so close to you that their energies have merged with yours. DD is the perfect example, as you know you are nearly identical. There also includes myself, DR, MD, and WA – a good man, if I may add.
Ah yes, in that room we have added a nursery for our little G. I see you like the ceiling. That was your idea, my love. True sky and solid as a rock. Sunny days filled with birds and a night filed with stars. Her days will be soothed and her nights magickally peaceful when she rests and plays here.
If we go out through the terrace and toward the Temple in the wood, you will see that the trees surrounding it spaced so that the four directional entrances are open, but should one come within a staff’s length who is not of the Circle, <points staff at trees> the trees will close and bind as such so that there will be no access to this sacred place.
Now you do have some gnomes in these woods who will stop at nothing to protect the plants and animals within. They have come of their own accord to live in peace here and they will scarcely be seen unless something is wrong.
There is a sacred lily growing deep within these woods. Come with me. Lower down here is the pond which holds the Lily of Magnificence. It has been growing wild here – we do not know why – but it has its own poison trap. It will spit venom much like a viper unto one who would try to pluck it from its stem.
You will be happy to know that your mountains are indeed full of gold and gems that must be mined. So long as you have a use for it, even if it is decoration or jewelry, the mountains will gladly give you what you need. You must only find it first.
MY DOUBTS SEVERELY PISS OFF THE MAN I MOST RESPECT, MY FATHER MA:
H: I know one day I will be thanking you for knowing my every move.
M: And perhaps one day it will no longer pain me so to see you so close to (him). But until then, I am sorry. I cannot help myself.
H: I know that you feel jealousy and in a way it saddens me that so many would only seek to love me in my own little world.
M: It is not only your world! The decisions you make and the actions you take affect many! Even if you do only see it or just want to believe it to be “only” the world in your mind, that is not true! I wish under God above that I would appear before you and hand you a true reprimand and I would!
M: Heather. This is real. Everything that you see, hear and feel that is beyond your world is real. My feelings are real. DD’s desires are real. RW’s addiction to alcohol is real. My pipe is real. DR’s powers are real. Your castle is real. The waters that you swim in and the caves you explore are real. The demons you fight and the souls you transport are real. The child that you carry inside you is real. The tears that came down my face when I realized what I had done to you in the cave were real. The pain that I felt when I ordered DD’s death was real, as was the relief and overcoming of joy in my heart when you ordered him to live.
M: My pride in your work is real. Your family here is REAL. Heather, my dear, dear child, do you not understand? The cabin you built with the Druids here on the Holy Grounds is real. It is here, solid as its foundation, white-washed wood gleaming in the sun, waiting for more than just your spirit to occupy it when we bring you here at your crossing. It is here – on the Jordanian Apex of Wales in the North Atlantic, where the lines cross from the Holy Lands and end in this center. My Dear. My frustration is very real.
H: I’m sorry.
M: Heather, please. Look me in the eyes and tell me from your heart that what you see is not real.
H: M…
M: I love you. You felt the kiss. You see the tears welling in my eyes at your disbelief.
H: Your eyes are so beautiful. Crystal blue.
M: Thank you. My dear, what must I do?
H: I need to see you. Touch you, not with my mind, but with my own two hands.
M: If I go to you in body there, I cannot come back. It will kill me.
H: I don’t want that. I need to be with you… after.
M: And you will be, my dear. I promise you. Until then, my love, I do not know what I can do to appease your logical mind. Ours are two very different worlds. They are very difficult to cross. Physical objects are made of energy and thus they absorb most of the energy that is sent there from this plane to manifest. With the strength that it took you to build your cabin here, it would take as much there to build an entire city. With the strength that it takes you to bend a simple candle flame in the physical, you could raise an entire mountain range here. You are not without power, my love, only your power is here. It is based here and it is used through here. Your body is only a carrier for your soul about the earth. Your head would be useless were it not to carry your mind and the energy it manifests through thought, will and senses… please accept my apologies dear, for suddenly I have many emotions beginning to surface. Usually I am better at keeping things in port but now the father in me is showing, as is the frustrated man – frustrated at your disbelief and sometimes childlike actions and also jealous of the woman I see so desired among men.
H: <Laughs hysterically.>
M: Silence. It is true. I will not discuss this again. You will believe what you want to believe and when the time comes when you are brought here and see all this before you, then you will be forced to believe what you have doubted for so long and I will admit I may have to gloat a bit once you have recovered from your death, in the fact that I can now prove all of this to you.
M: My dear, you are too important to me and to this Circle for me to simply brush you aside as a silly child and be done with you. Therefore, you absolutely must stop doubting me and doubting everything you see before you when you are here. It is not simply a wild imagination as you would like to believe, but a different reality from what you know now.
M: Just because something is different does not make it unreal. You cannot physically see love and hate but you believe in them because you experience them. You have seen me, my dear. You have felt the love that others and I feel for you. Many things have you felt out here as well as seen and heard. There simply is no reason for you not to believe any longer. I know of nothing further to say to you love. The rest must come in your own time, but for both our sakes, I do hope it comes soon.
TAKING AN ASTRAL WALK THROUGH THE DRUID GROUNDS...
Beginning at the fire pit, there is a ring of logs surrounding the fire pit where we all gather. I usually sit on the south side, facing north. Just outside the pit to the West we have a stone table and beyond that a cooking center. To the East, we walk in into the woods of light pines and several large, old oaks. This is where we come to my large, white cabin and gardens which hold mushrooms and potatoes, brim with herbs and flowers, also tomatoes and peas, beans and spinach. If we walk to the north, we come to the creek which weaves down from the waterfall. Past the waterfall to the north is the Temple and altar, located within a thick oak forest. Not much lies beyond there of our territory but forest. The Elven grounds begin about one hundred miles beyond that.
Beyond my cabin lie other scattered cabins, growing with the clan. Not all of the elders live here, only me, O, P and MA as one of several places he calls home. DD’s cabin still stands to the south, but it is empty. Further south and southwest, we come to the villages where about 800 of the clan live and work. RW lives here, and under a pub at that.
To the west, past the cooking area stand two silos, one for grain and one for corn, and a well. A red barn is there, where my horses Water Lily (the black mare) and Rose Wine (the dark brown stallion, MA’s wedding gift) have been housed. (The white mare, Wind Dancer, was a gift to me from Brighid for my work with the angels and stays on my castle grounds.) Beyond that lie the glade and prairie land.
Many wild animals live in the wood surrounding the fire pit, as we are very secluded. Chickens and hens run wild, there are deer and rabbit in the wood for hunting when needed. I am putting an apiary close to my cabin to provide honey for tea, wine and mead (RW will love me for that). Many foods and medicines also grow wild in the wood, the foods mainly potatoes, nuts and berries. The glade which lays quite a bit to the east, past the cabins but still north of the villages, provides a great deal of grain and edible seeds used in breads and cakes.
MA’s cabin is a ten minute walk east of mine.
Tonight I walk with Elder P and we discuss ritual specific to the Circle. Anything learned here will be kept sacred so it is with some sadness that I cannot repeat them here. They are written however in my Book of Shadows. MA will also be walking with us and sharing information on the rituals.
P: “To begin, within the Druid Circle, we have a specific basis in ritual magic. Heather, what is told to you tonight is to be held within the strictest confidence. In the Circle, we promise to keep sacred within the Clan that which occurs in ritual and none other unless invited shall be privy to the callings done here.”
... and it is here that I must stop transcribing this entry onto the web.
DD, MY BROTHER, MAKES ME REALIZE THE SECRET OF LIFE
I run to the back of the house to escape the noises of the air conditioner, the TV and the cars outside… DD is waiting for me and tells me, “Let me be your peace.”
He takes me into his arms and shuts out all the noise. He has me enter a tall, strong oak tree and I become one with it. He tells me to hear the heartbeat of the tree. I say, “I know this tree.” He says, “You know because you feel. You feel because you are. Now, what do you feel?”
I SAY: I feel the heartbeat, which pulses once in a year. Once in a season. The roots swell with the rains and with the force of life which will push up into new leaves and blooms. I feel its slow strength. I feel its serenity. I feel every memory. I feel the cold earth surrounding my feet. I feel my arms reaching high in its branches toward the sun. I feel the energies it draws in and those it puts out. I feel the force of life ever flowing. I feel the dark stillness inside the heartwood. I feel the rush of the wind. I feel the complexity of its internal patterns. I feel its age. I feel it holding strong to its will to survive. I feel its faith. I feel its health and its dis-ease. I feel its healed scars. I feel its perseverance. I feel its slow pulse and the reason for its longevity. I feel its patience.
DD tells me, “In the end, what you feel is the secret of life. You truly are awakened. You know. Your walk with the Spirit of the Green Hunter… Now you understand. This is the way to peace, to knowledge, to those things that you cannot learn from man. You are one with nature, and it is one with you. This tree has allowed you inside its very core. It knows you are of good will, and it knows you possess the Gift. The others will all feel the mark of its energies within you, now that you have joined it as one.
DD: Ah, my love, you are indeed a very special, precious child. I was not lying to you when I told you in the beginning you were gifted. Now you understand… this is what I meant. This is why you are here, because all your senses are in tune with the nature that surrounds you. You can communicate with nearly everything. Many of us cannot. Many of us only possess a special connection with certain entities but you, my dear, you have the ability to hear the trees, the spirits of nature, the spirits of men, the spirits of all that surrounds you.
DD: I know that you have lost faith in men (people), but do not lose faith in nature, for that is what you are here to protect. Mankind has destroyed itself and now settles into its death. Nature… it will survive, but it will need to be healed and to be able to heal it, we must be able to understand its needs above what we can already see with our eyes. We must also apply our minds to the energies it gives us and decode its secrets with an understanding that very few have managed to achieve. You are one who can do this. You and the rest of the Clan and the rest of the Druid Clans the world over will all come together in the end to rescue and restore that which should naturally be. You are tired, we will talk more. Come, walk with me. I know a place you can rest.”
FEELING VERY *STUCK* IN MY BODY...
I wake only thinking to MA that I feel so stuck here... in this plane, in this life...
I SAY: "M... are you there?"
MA: I always am, my Kitten...
I SAY: "I feel so stuck..."
MA: We all did when we lived, dear. We knew though that something yet by the grace of God and The Mother would be opened to us. You have wanted to live with us on the planes, and so you shall, dear. You know we will be waiting for you, to bring you home to the Circle. Do not panic love, we will honor your final request and you will be here with me and the Circle.
I SAY: "How can I... make what time I have left to serve here... more... like there? Ho do I open this life into something less restricting? Less stiff and lonely? Until I can reach the planes and my homes there permanently, how can I bring them here?"
MA: You have the ability to come and go from here as you please. By living open as you always do, we are always with you. Your worlds are always here for you to slip into and we walk hand in hand with you.
(There is a "whoosh!" and things shifting in the room... my cat looks up and follows something from the front door to where I sit... DD taps me on the shoulder... MA touches my head...)
MA: Well then, you feel me there now and your little cat saw me. You see dear, we are with you and you are with us. There is no sometimes, it is always, since you have come to us and been bound to this place and us.
MY BROTHER RW TAKES ME ACROSS PLANES TO SEE A DARK ELF, TO LEARN WHAT HE WILL TEACH, AND THEN MY FATHER, MA, GOES MISSING (AND YES, THESE "CREATURES," IF YOU WILL, DO EXIST STILL IN PLACES BEYOND THE VEIL):
RW points me in the direction of Z, a drow clan head, to be found in the blackwood.
I walk through the blackwood and there are so many eyes on me. I can feel them gathering and staring from just off the path. Things dart here and there but I am unable to make them out. Yellow eyes, some red... it's cold here. 1 large creature steps in my way, blocking me... I tell him that RW has sent me to speak with Z. He gestures his spear toward a small building, which is guarded by two gargoyles and they let me pass. Once inside, everything is of black stone and gold. Even the fireplace is black stone, shiny. There is a fire going. I ask if the one sitting at the table is Z and he nods, telling me to sit.
Z says, "I know R has sent you here. You seek knowledge. I can give you the knowledge that will give the power you seek to do what you need to do, but first you must tell me one thing. How far are you willing to go?"
I respond that I don't want to lose what light is in me. I'm a healer, and my clan and others need me for that. I seek to reawaken that which I learned from paths once traveled that were not of the light. I do not seek for it to control me, but rather to be an integral part of my warrior training. I will go as far as need be, so long as it does not leave a permanent scar that will prevent me from doing my work as a healer and with the Clan."
"Very well," he says. "What I will show you may hurt you, but you will grow accustomed to it. You will ache. Your mind will scream. You will be drained. If you want these secrets, then you must continue down this path which I will show you. I will not force you to go farther than you will, but you will see things that will make you want to continue. How far you go is up to you. You wish to learn much quickly, yes?"
"I do."
"Well then you will have a scar. Tally it up to knowledge gained. I am sure your clan will not hold it against you. Come, show me what you've got," he says. Z proceeds to throw many magick attacks at me, which I unintentionally and naturally divert with white light, but he holds one on me that feels like it is going to crush my shields and me inside them.. A ball of fire and pure fire energy rushes out from me in all directions and knocks him back. I do not drop my shields, but they are throbbing. He smiles. "Very nice. Now then. Attack me."
We begin to battle with swords and he is upset that I am using an Elven sword against him. "Very well," I say, and put it away to draw my blue sword. He bears a dark gray, almost black one. I pin him up against a wall, having caught his wrist with my blue sword against the wall, in position to remove his hand with the blade.
"Fine, if you want to cheat with weapons," he says. "But what are you without them?" With that, he cuts both swords from my waist and leaves me there weaponless. I tell him to drop his sword and he declines. Now is the time for me to pull out a few tricks of my own. I search my memory but nothing is coming to me. "Hah, you've already waited too long," he says. "I could have killed you by now."
"Then teach me," I say. "This is why I am here."
"Your defensive strategies are good, well-learned. But you must learn to fight if you will ever make anything of yourself. Your shields will only prolong your agony and you will find those who will not give up until they fall. You aren't perfect, and your shields aren't foolproof."
"Then teach me," I say again. He pauses to size me up.
I resume talking to him with the pendulum... my head hurts.
He tells me, "What you want just has to be unlocked. You have a darkness in you from lives past that begs to be reborn. I will unlock this only if you promise allegiance to our knowledge with your blood. This means that you will not teach another what you have learned here, or by your blood it will be taken back. This honours your word with me. You shall honour your word, or have the knowledge revoked. Is this agreed?"
"It is agreed."
"Then by the joining of our bloods do I impart to you the knowledge that you seek in agreement that it shall not leave you for the rest of your days on earth and beyond, that you will honour this pact or be stripped of all knowledge gained here. With this pact, the dark magicks are yours. Learn them as they come to you and commit them to memory." Both bloods are mixed into a goblet of wine. His is black. "Drink the wine of knowledge, and know what you will."
I close my eyes for about 20 minutes and am shown the most amazing, downright wicked attacks and shields that I have ever seen in my life, and they are all coming from me. I look down at my hands and my fingernails are long and black - dark grey - and pointed like claws. Z says I will only see this when the darkness is coming out. He tells me to come back, and so I do. I will not soon forget these things that I have seen and done. He says this is only the beginning.
DD has located me and has come pounding on the door, yelling while I was entranced. Z growled back, "leave us!" When the pounding continued, DD was thrown back from the door, but when DD tried to rush in, RW had appeared to hold him back, telling him I was not in danger. I hate to see his face when I walk out of this house.
Z says, "We will continue. Go quiet your brother, his persistence is starting to annoy me." I apologize and take leave. Z knows I will be back several times over the next few days.
DD is pissed. "Dear, what in God's name do you think you are doing here? Drow are dark, and you are no part of them!"
I say, "Do you think I don't realize that?"
DD says, "Heather, I do not know what has gone on in there but I swear to God, if they try to turn you... Good God... your eyes are black... what the hell have you done in there? What have they done to you?"
"Nothing that you have to worry about dear, it is just a side-effect, it will wear off," I tell him. "No one is trying to turn me."
"Then why are your eyes black," he asks. "Come please, you must leave this place, I will take you somewhere safe."
"I'm done here anyway," I tell DD, "at least for now. You'll see, as soon as we step out of the blackwood, they will turn back. We start walking off and I look back over my shoulder to see Z looking at me through a window. I nod at him, he nods back and DD looks at us both cautiously, mumbling under his breath, "Let's get out of here."
We exit the blackwood and I suddenly become conscious of the wound on my hand and my slashed scabbards. As I stand in the sunlight and look up into DD's bright golden eyes, I feel mine turning back to blue. I look down at my hand and DD takes it, looking at the cut and looking back up at me, concerned, but we then watch it fade back into untorn flesh, as if nothing had happened.
He looks very concerned. My scabbards however are not so lucky, and they must be replaced. DD takes me to the leathersmith. He doesn't speak further of the incident in the blackwood, but I can see his constant concern. I keep telling him I'm fine, but he doesn't believe me. I love him for looking out for me, but somehow I always manage to slip out of his sight long enough to get into trouble. Some things though are best done without him. The rest of the time, I thank God he's always with me.
Unlike MA, who has apparently left my side, leaving me open to everything out there. No matter the others, U, A, E, DD, RW, MD... none know me better than MA. The one I counted on the most has left me in a fit of his own self-pity when I most needed his support. He will still speak with me, but only briefly, and has been too far away to reach, having hid himself from everyone.
When I try once more to find him...
MA: "I am here, Kitten."
I: "You're very far away."
MA: "I know. I need proper time to recover. I have misled you and for that I am deeply sorry." He is barely coming through at all. "Why do you send DR for me dear, you know how to contact me."
I: "But I couldn't. I have not heard from you, I was not able to find you and I felt you were very far away... and not on business. I felt as if I was abandoned."
REFERRING HERE TO A RECENT PROMISE HE MADE TO ME THAT FELL APART:
MA: "I have not abandoned you but you are correct, I filled you with false hope. It was unintentional but it hurt you greatly and... I cannot live with myself for hurting you. You are better off for now without me, without me... filling you with hopes that are not going to come to pass. I only meant to build your confidence and take some of the weight off your heart, but the let-down was much greater than the building up. I was wrong. I must take this time away to reorganize my mind and replace the energies and the sight that I have lost. You will not be without me long, dear. Only so long as it takes me to regain the strength to be the father that you need. You still have U and DD caring for you..."
I: "But not here."
MA: "No, not there, but in the same respect that you are here, they are there and you know that the things set in motion here will, with proper tending and care, manifest to you on the physical plane."
I: "The wheel still has a backwards motion." (A SPELL HE'D HELP ME SET INTO MOTION)
MA: "Then it must be moved to a place where it can turn freely and do what it needs to do. There is still a will commanding that it turn in the way that will continue to take away from you. Take it down immediately, and re-build the spell without me. I may have been the cause of it. My own doubts and influences may have tainted the work we did as I was not in a good place of mind when it was constructed. My worry for you has clouded my thoughts and I must return to clear thinking before I can be of assistance again. Gather you four and take down the wheel... build it again, and call DR in to provide for the earth element. There must be the five. Do it now, do not wait. I will be with you again soon. Do not let me stop your progress."
And with that, he is gone.
I AM UNDER ATTACK - IN THE PHYSICAL PLANE
MY REVEREND IN THE PHYSICAL TELLS ME AND THOSE ATTACKING ME:
Astarte, once said,"I am change, I am light, I am Juniper, purity and a drawer of love" Woman can, woman is and woman will, love is all and I am love. With love on our side we can, we will, survive, laugh, triumph, and walk in the light of love with no backward look. The Crone has seen it, so shall it be. Dragol, Brucel, Gui, Dadle, All the Draco's are fighting, and Raphael, Bridget, Haniel, Zadkiel, and other Archangels and Ascended Masters were petitioned to surround the three and smite them unto destruction. annihilation. The NEW MOON will be the light to show the downfall of them that attempted to harm one of the GROVE, and her consort and offspring. Beware them that seek to harm, you are known and will fall. Shelah.
AND THE CURSE-BREAKING-CURSE IS LAID:
Indeed, you are known. YOU THREE... who try to bind, who intend to harm and to control... you will not prevail. You have begun a war on a Path that leads only to your own destruction. MY time has come. WE THREE are safe - I, my partner, our daughter of Light - hidden well within the Grove, surrounded well within the Clan, ascended on the wings of the Archangels far beyond your reach and the reach of those whom you commission to do your evil works. YOU are limited. WE ARE LIMITLESS.
Know now that the Call To Arms has spread worldwide and it is no longer only me that you are facing, but those of many Paths who stand now beside me, in iron defense of the innocents, for your binds have fallen and their shattering has been heard across the continents, and across the planes.
From the strong wills of women to the strong arms of men,
from the swords of the Angels to the wrath of the Drakes,
from the solidarity of the Earth to the infinite wisdom of the Universe,
our weapons are raised.
You have but your one power.
We three have ALL.
NO FURTHER will you break and bind
NO FURTHER will you curse and charm
NO FURTHER will you seed and leech and
NO FURTHER will you harm.
WE THREE are bound in light
WE THREE are bound in trust
WE THREE are bound in might
WE THREE will do as we must.
A ELFYNTODD DWYR SINDDYN DUW CERRID YR FFERLLURIG NWYN; OS SYRIAETH ECH SAFFAER TU FEWR ECHLYN MOR, NECROMBOR LLUN!
It is begun.
It is begun.
It is begun.
IN REGARD TO A CERTAIN PERSON WHO IS FUELING THE ATTACK AGAINST ME HERE (the one) AND THEIR SIBLING (the lesser one), I SPEAK DIRECTLY WITH A PATRON GOD:
Around 3 a.m., I found Lugh... We had a talk.
Lugh: "When I dropped to [the empty one], I was not pleased with what I was seeing. In the time of Christ, there came a demon to Earth, and his name was Anzuron. In this day, he lives in [the empty one]. This demon [2,000 years ago] called to me and desired to challenge me sword against sword. Others laid in waiting, dwelling between the veils and they launched an attack on me. While the victory was mine [the demon] broke the rules of warfare and kept the broken sword which was rightfully mine. Doing so allowed his armada to render curses on me and now that I have gotten close to the sword again, he will not survive to use it against me again. You are under attack by him, are you not?"
"I am, as are [others], under attack by [the empty one] and the rest..."
Lugh: "Soon you will be free from their control, for as soon as the sword is returned to me, they will be powerless to stop you. You will feel the victory as it occurs. You will see the release of power into the skies. You will see everything returned to you that has been taken from you. Victory will be swift and large. We, the rulers of heaven and earth, assure it. We are with you and your family as the battle wages."
"What of the [one] who controls them?"
Lugh: "[The one] is weak on [the one's] own. There is a high demon guiding [the one] and he is leading [the one] to [certain] death."
"Physical or spiritual?"
Lugh: "Both."
"How long?"
Lugh: "Two years, but [the one's] soul is already his. [The one] will be painfully stripped of [the demon's] control in two moons' time but he will return to [the one] in two years to fulfill his obligation to his master. When this occurs, the spirit will leave the body and [the one] will harm you no more. [The one's] death will be instant and violent."
"But [my daughter] will be safe?"
Lugh: "Yes, at all times. She is the Light and she is protected. Do not take her role lightly, for she is a key unto knowledge that you have yet to know."
"Who has the contract on [the one]?"
Lugh: "His name is Zaranth."
"And of [the lesser one]?"
Lugh: "There will be no physical death for [the lesser one], however when the other two fall, so shall [the lesser one]. [The lesser one] will not understand. [The lesser one] will be powerless. [The lesser one] will only live until [s/he] dies. You will be safe."
This is very good news
SEEING MY LIFE AS MA'S DAUGHTER, WHEN WE LIVED IN ONE TIME AND IN ONE CLAN TOGETHER, AND THE HORRORS THAT TOOK ME FROM HIM...
Last night, I sat in MA's cabin - the one famous with DR and the only one he has seen - sipping tea with MA across a big oak table. Conversation I can't totally recall, but he took a long white taper candle and placed it between us, lining the flame up directly between the area of his third eye and mine.
MA: "I was connected to you. Apparently you were unwilling to connect to me at that moment. Apprehensive is a better word, yes. I would like you to try again. I want to show you the ways in which I have known you, from my own feelings and my own eyes. I want you to understand where our closeness comes from and why you apparently think you are not more special than everyone else. Heather, you will understand when you see yourself through my eyes. Then you will always know where you come from and why I want you home."
I ASK: Should I be prepared for painful images when I return to you and the candle now?
MA: "Yes, there will be some. But you will see why I love you so."
...What followed was a very vivid, graphic, emotional and painful trip back into the past, many MANY centuries ago, from the time of my conception and birth to MA, my life with him, and the attack on our clan in which first my children were killed, and then myself, my throat slit in front of him while he was forced to watch his only daughter murdered in cold blood.
I did not watch this as a third party or bystander, instead, I was made to watch it through his eyes. Not only that, but during this difficult journey, I *was* him - his every sight, emotion, pain, heartache, grief, every joy, every lesson, every embrace. Everything. I experienced my life - and death - as he had. Taking this journey with him has forever changed the way I act, think and feel in this life. I know truly the sheer force of the love of family as it once was, those binds that cannot be broken, and I know firsthand how long forever is.
It has been over 1500 years since the events I re-experienced in this last account occurred. Yes, I have been with him in other lives since, but this one took me back to our beginning and helped to re-lay the foundation upon which my spirit rests. This was by far the most powerful astral event I have yet experienced and as such I believe it would be well that I end this page here.
I truly hope the long journal-like pages that you have finally gotten through have awakened that spark within you to realize that there really is something much more that lies just beyond our day-to-day, and I hope you will carry these lessons with you so that they may guide you into not only ethereal travels and experiences in the here and now, but also give you some comfort in knowing that death is not the end, but yet another beginning.
*Namaste*
BACK TO THE SPIRAL...
H: Why are DD and I so close? It feels as if he is a part of me; I always feel him with me, I see and hear him more often than now…
M: My dear, DD has followed you since you were very small and has always been an influence on you. Indeed you are as one, for you took to him immediately upon meeting him formally. You felt a very strong connection and beyond that, you made a bind with him, although I would have preferred you do so in a different manner.
M: The patterns of your souls are very closely linked and nearly identical. It is as if you were twins. You are about as close to being twins as you can possibly be. Your DNA shows you quite close by blood as well. Simply put, DD is your soul’s match.
M: Now let this not remove the importance of DR! No, for he is the one who was sent to care for you and to work with you in the Mind Arts. You and DR bring a very powerful combination of energies into this world which will need to be honed into one deadly double-edged sword come the end times. What I say of DD though is that as far as the closeness that can be achieved between two people on a spiritual level, you and he will naturally be about as close as two people can be, and you should embrace this, for although you have taken his place in the Circle, as two healers, you are exemplary in your work together. Your brother is very much a part of you, as you are of him. You felt his pain as DR and MD were torturing the daemons out of him, did you not?
H: Yes and that is why I had to order it stopped. It was unbearable.
M: I felt it as well, love. I could not stop myself from feeling it, for he is that close to me as well. He loves you very much, Heather, and although his actions are often inappropriate, it must be understood that much of it has been demon-based and that which is not, he must account for. However, as he knows you deeper, he learns his limits with you and he has been respecting them well, has he not?
H: Yes, he’s been beautiful, a true pleasure to be with.
M: Very good then. Once you have spent your allotted time with the rest of the Elders, I think you would to well to seek Elven knowledge with DD in your healing arts. This will strengthen you both greatly. Seek out those who are willing to teach. In two months’ time, I expect your knowledge on not only the healing herbs but also the healing magics to be greatly expanded.. At that time which you and your brother will go in search of the Elves, I will trust him to travel with you. This also depends on there being no re-occurrence of the Dark Air. I am sure he is looking forward to this much as you are, for I can sense him eavesdropping.
H: As can I. Nothing gets past him when it pertains to me.
M: Yet another symbol of his bond with you. You have something very strong between you, my love. I trust you will learn how to use it well.
H: When is your birthday?
M: Oh, I have not celebrated that in centuries.
H: But when?
M: April 2nd.
H: What year?
M: 420. And my crossing, 517.
H: Thank you (smiles) You’re pulling me in today, aren’t you?
M: Hahaha I am doing no such thing. You miss me because you have been spending all your time with your brothers when you should be here in study.
DD: I want you to know, I still love you. No matter what you do, I still love you.
H: If you’re referring to MD…
D: Yes. I know. And… I don’t know how you could feel that way for someone like that, but then I take a look at myself and how weak I was and how badly I wronged you by letting those things use me to get to you… I’m no better than he is. In fact, I’m much worse. I was the one who was supposed to protect you from things like that and look what happened? My love for you became lust that they fed off of and they used my own feelings against you and I let them. <Sigh…> That’s why… I understand if you have a heart and desires for MA, or MD, or anyone else for that matter. Though you are not possessed as was I, you are still a young, beautiful woman and I understand that desires of the flesh and matters of the heart can be overpowering to you especially because of what you have had to live through. You deserve the best and you deserve the most out of life and if after all is said and done you still have love to give then by God you should give it and why should you not in turn receive it as well?
MA DESCRIBES THE TRAPS THAT I HAVE LAID AROUND MY ASTRAL CASTLE... AT THIS POINT, I STILL HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING MUCH OF WHAT I ACTUALLY DO ON THE PLANES
MA SPEAKS:
First, do not worry about MD. Although he is quite dark, he is a friend in your heart. The dragons and others about your property, the other beasts, the climbing vine – they all know of your relationship to him and he will not be harmed in the least.
Your cave system and the holds within your castle are the only things protected from absolutely everyone but yourself. Since your Sapphire was once protected by (hydra) who now prefers your lake and cavern system, we have completely hidden it within the (private) tree whose roots will quickly entrap and leave to rot anyone who would sense it and try to dig it out.
Those living in the fishing village have access to your grounds including the greenhouse – but not to anywhere within the castle or the temple itself. The temple is your wood is sacred and shall remain so, protected by the deities as it was erected in their honour and to serve them and the Earth. It was used last night by you, Elder N and myself to ask for their protection over these lands, and an offering of white lilies and honey was left at the foot of the altar. The gods were quite appeased.
As we walk the borders of your home grounds – the castle and the surrounding woods, lakes, sea, mountains and glades, you will be able to sense a wall of energy. This wall turns turbulent when approached by someone or something that you know in your heart is not welcome here. Because of your connection to these grounds, because they were born from your energy, it knows who is welcome and who is not. SA, for example, will not be able to just walk in again.
There are many strengths besides yours that were put into the main outer wall here, including mine, the collective Circle’s, the Dragons’ and the gods;. You and your grounds are well-protected. A demon or other harmful entity trying to cross this wall will immediately be caught in a cyclone of pure energy – there is no specific elemental association, so it cannot be countered as previous shields were. They will be sucked back down to the gates of hell.
Those who would attempt to come up through the ground will be met with a solid wall of iron that they cannot cross because it is infused with pure crystal. It will burn them alive, as will the crystal air, which forms a closure to your skies.
Normal beings needing rest or assistance will be able to walk straight through and access your fountain and your herbs. They will not however be able to enter the castle itself.
You must now create a scroll of those you wish to have access to the inside of your castle. These names will be energetically burned into the memory of each door, window and access point of the building. If one who wishes to enter has not been recognized by the Scroll, they may only enter with your accompaniment.
The Knowing Glass above your front doors has been disabled and now only watches the goings on to the South. The vine walls however are still quite active and will remain so.
As we enter your castle, we will find that doorknobs to private rooms – your library, your crystals, your weapons, your magickal items – all carry a powerful electric charge that will instantly render a man unconscious. To enter these rooms, one must share a similarity to your energy patterns within their hand print of energy. In other words, they must be someone who is so close to you that their energies have merged with yours. DD is the perfect example, as you know you are nearly identical. There also includes myself, DR, MD, and WA – a good man, if I may add.
Ah yes, in that room we have added a nursery for our little G. I see you like the ceiling. That was your idea, my love. True sky and solid as a rock. Sunny days filled with birds and a night filed with stars. Her days will be soothed and her nights magickally peaceful when she rests and plays here.
If we go out through the terrace and toward the Temple in the wood, you will see that the trees surrounding it spaced so that the four directional entrances are open, but should one come within a staff’s length who is not of the Circle, <points staff at trees> the trees will close and bind as such so that there will be no access to this sacred place.
Now you do have some gnomes in these woods who will stop at nothing to protect the plants and animals within. They have come of their own accord to live in peace here and they will scarcely be seen unless something is wrong.
There is a sacred lily growing deep within these woods. Come with me. Lower down here is the pond which holds the Lily of Magnificence. It has been growing wild here – we do not know why – but it has its own poison trap. It will spit venom much like a viper unto one who would try to pluck it from its stem.
You will be happy to know that your mountains are indeed full of gold and gems that must be mined. So long as you have a use for it, even if it is decoration or jewelry, the mountains will gladly give you what you need. You must only find it first.
MY DOUBTS SEVERELY PISS OFF THE MAN I MOST RESPECT, MY FATHER MA:
H: I know one day I will be thanking you for knowing my every move.
M: And perhaps one day it will no longer pain me so to see you so close to (him). But until then, I am sorry. I cannot help myself.
H: I know that you feel jealousy and in a way it saddens me that so many would only seek to love me in my own little world.
M: It is not only your world! The decisions you make and the actions you take affect many! Even if you do only see it or just want to believe it to be “only” the world in your mind, that is not true! I wish under God above that I would appear before you and hand you a true reprimand and I would!
M: Heather. This is real. Everything that you see, hear and feel that is beyond your world is real. My feelings are real. DD’s desires are real. RW’s addiction to alcohol is real. My pipe is real. DR’s powers are real. Your castle is real. The waters that you swim in and the caves you explore are real. The demons you fight and the souls you transport are real. The child that you carry inside you is real. The tears that came down my face when I realized what I had done to you in the cave were real. The pain that I felt when I ordered DD’s death was real, as was the relief and overcoming of joy in my heart when you ordered him to live.
M: My pride in your work is real. Your family here is REAL. Heather, my dear, dear child, do you not understand? The cabin you built with the Druids here on the Holy Grounds is real. It is here, solid as its foundation, white-washed wood gleaming in the sun, waiting for more than just your spirit to occupy it when we bring you here at your crossing. It is here – on the Jordanian Apex of Wales in the North Atlantic, where the lines cross from the Holy Lands and end in this center. My Dear. My frustration is very real.
H: I’m sorry.
M: Heather, please. Look me in the eyes and tell me from your heart that what you see is not real.
H: M…
M: I love you. You felt the kiss. You see the tears welling in my eyes at your disbelief.
H: Your eyes are so beautiful. Crystal blue.
M: Thank you. My dear, what must I do?
H: I need to see you. Touch you, not with my mind, but with my own two hands.
M: If I go to you in body there, I cannot come back. It will kill me.
H: I don’t want that. I need to be with you… after.
M: And you will be, my dear. I promise you. Until then, my love, I do not know what I can do to appease your logical mind. Ours are two very different worlds. They are very difficult to cross. Physical objects are made of energy and thus they absorb most of the energy that is sent there from this plane to manifest. With the strength that it took you to build your cabin here, it would take as much there to build an entire city. With the strength that it takes you to bend a simple candle flame in the physical, you could raise an entire mountain range here. You are not without power, my love, only your power is here. It is based here and it is used through here. Your body is only a carrier for your soul about the earth. Your head would be useless were it not to carry your mind and the energy it manifests through thought, will and senses… please accept my apologies dear, for suddenly I have many emotions beginning to surface. Usually I am better at keeping things in port but now the father in me is showing, as is the frustrated man – frustrated at your disbelief and sometimes childlike actions and also jealous of the woman I see so desired among men.
H: <Laughs hysterically.>
M: Silence. It is true. I will not discuss this again. You will believe what you want to believe and when the time comes when you are brought here and see all this before you, then you will be forced to believe what you have doubted for so long and I will admit I may have to gloat a bit once you have recovered from your death, in the fact that I can now prove all of this to you.
M: My dear, you are too important to me and to this Circle for me to simply brush you aside as a silly child and be done with you. Therefore, you absolutely must stop doubting me and doubting everything you see before you when you are here. It is not simply a wild imagination as you would like to believe, but a different reality from what you know now.
M: Just because something is different does not make it unreal. You cannot physically see love and hate but you believe in them because you experience them. You have seen me, my dear. You have felt the love that others and I feel for you. Many things have you felt out here as well as seen and heard. There simply is no reason for you not to believe any longer. I know of nothing further to say to you love. The rest must come in your own time, but for both our sakes, I do hope it comes soon.
TAKING AN ASTRAL WALK THROUGH THE DRUID GROUNDS...
Beginning at the fire pit, there is a ring of logs surrounding the fire pit where we all gather. I usually sit on the south side, facing north. Just outside the pit to the West we have a stone table and beyond that a cooking center. To the East, we walk in into the woods of light pines and several large, old oaks. This is where we come to my large, white cabin and gardens which hold mushrooms and potatoes, brim with herbs and flowers, also tomatoes and peas, beans and spinach. If we walk to the north, we come to the creek which weaves down from the waterfall. Past the waterfall to the north is the Temple and altar, located within a thick oak forest. Not much lies beyond there of our territory but forest. The Elven grounds begin about one hundred miles beyond that.
Beyond my cabin lie other scattered cabins, growing with the clan. Not all of the elders live here, only me, O, P and MA as one of several places he calls home. DD’s cabin still stands to the south, but it is empty. Further south and southwest, we come to the villages where about 800 of the clan live and work. RW lives here, and under a pub at that.
To the west, past the cooking area stand two silos, one for grain and one for corn, and a well. A red barn is there, where my horses Water Lily (the black mare) and Rose Wine (the dark brown stallion, MA’s wedding gift) have been housed. (The white mare, Wind Dancer, was a gift to me from Brighid for my work with the angels and stays on my castle grounds.) Beyond that lie the glade and prairie land.
Many wild animals live in the wood surrounding the fire pit, as we are very secluded. Chickens and hens run wild, there are deer and rabbit in the wood for hunting when needed. I am putting an apiary close to my cabin to provide honey for tea, wine and mead (RW will love me for that). Many foods and medicines also grow wild in the wood, the foods mainly potatoes, nuts and berries. The glade which lays quite a bit to the east, past the cabins but still north of the villages, provides a great deal of grain and edible seeds used in breads and cakes.
MA’s cabin is a ten minute walk east of mine.
Tonight I walk with Elder P and we discuss ritual specific to the Circle. Anything learned here will be kept sacred so it is with some sadness that I cannot repeat them here. They are written however in my Book of Shadows. MA will also be walking with us and sharing information on the rituals.
P: “To begin, within the Druid Circle, we have a specific basis in ritual magic. Heather, what is told to you tonight is to be held within the strictest confidence. In the Circle, we promise to keep sacred within the Clan that which occurs in ritual and none other unless invited shall be privy to the callings done here.”
... and it is here that I must stop transcribing this entry onto the web.
DD, MY BROTHER, MAKES ME REALIZE THE SECRET OF LIFE
I run to the back of the house to escape the noises of the air conditioner, the TV and the cars outside… DD is waiting for me and tells me, “Let me be your peace.”
He takes me into his arms and shuts out all the noise. He has me enter a tall, strong oak tree and I become one with it. He tells me to hear the heartbeat of the tree. I say, “I know this tree.” He says, “You know because you feel. You feel because you are. Now, what do you feel?”
I SAY: I feel the heartbeat, which pulses once in a year. Once in a season. The roots swell with the rains and with the force of life which will push up into new leaves and blooms. I feel its slow strength. I feel its serenity. I feel every memory. I feel the cold earth surrounding my feet. I feel my arms reaching high in its branches toward the sun. I feel the energies it draws in and those it puts out. I feel the force of life ever flowing. I feel the dark stillness inside the heartwood. I feel the rush of the wind. I feel the complexity of its internal patterns. I feel its age. I feel it holding strong to its will to survive. I feel its faith. I feel its health and its dis-ease. I feel its healed scars. I feel its perseverance. I feel its slow pulse and the reason for its longevity. I feel its patience.
DD tells me, “In the end, what you feel is the secret of life. You truly are awakened. You know. Your walk with the Spirit of the Green Hunter… Now you understand. This is the way to peace, to knowledge, to those things that you cannot learn from man. You are one with nature, and it is one with you. This tree has allowed you inside its very core. It knows you are of good will, and it knows you possess the Gift. The others will all feel the mark of its energies within you, now that you have joined it as one.
DD: Ah, my love, you are indeed a very special, precious child. I was not lying to you when I told you in the beginning you were gifted. Now you understand… this is what I meant. This is why you are here, because all your senses are in tune with the nature that surrounds you. You can communicate with nearly everything. Many of us cannot. Many of us only possess a special connection with certain entities but you, my dear, you have the ability to hear the trees, the spirits of nature, the spirits of men, the spirits of all that surrounds you.
DD: I know that you have lost faith in men (people), but do not lose faith in nature, for that is what you are here to protect. Mankind has destroyed itself and now settles into its death. Nature… it will survive, but it will need to be healed and to be able to heal it, we must be able to understand its needs above what we can already see with our eyes. We must also apply our minds to the energies it gives us and decode its secrets with an understanding that very few have managed to achieve. You are one who can do this. You and the rest of the Clan and the rest of the Druid Clans the world over will all come together in the end to rescue and restore that which should naturally be. You are tired, we will talk more. Come, walk with me. I know a place you can rest.”
FEELING VERY *STUCK* IN MY BODY...
I wake only thinking to MA that I feel so stuck here... in this plane, in this life...
I SAY: "M... are you there?"
MA: I always am, my Kitten...
I SAY: "I feel so stuck..."
MA: We all did when we lived, dear. We knew though that something yet by the grace of God and The Mother would be opened to us. You have wanted to live with us on the planes, and so you shall, dear. You know we will be waiting for you, to bring you home to the Circle. Do not panic love, we will honor your final request and you will be here with me and the Circle.
I SAY: "How can I... make what time I have left to serve here... more... like there? Ho do I open this life into something less restricting? Less stiff and lonely? Until I can reach the planes and my homes there permanently, how can I bring them here?"
MA: You have the ability to come and go from here as you please. By living open as you always do, we are always with you. Your worlds are always here for you to slip into and we walk hand in hand with you.
(There is a "whoosh!" and things shifting in the room... my cat looks up and follows something from the front door to where I sit... DD taps me on the shoulder... MA touches my head...)
MA: Well then, you feel me there now and your little cat saw me. You see dear, we are with you and you are with us. There is no sometimes, it is always, since you have come to us and been bound to this place and us.
MY BROTHER RW TAKES ME ACROSS PLANES TO SEE A DARK ELF, TO LEARN WHAT HE WILL TEACH, AND THEN MY FATHER, MA, GOES MISSING (AND YES, THESE "CREATURES," IF YOU WILL, DO EXIST STILL IN PLACES BEYOND THE VEIL):
RW points me in the direction of Z, a drow clan head, to be found in the blackwood.
I walk through the blackwood and there are so many eyes on me. I can feel them gathering and staring from just off the path. Things dart here and there but I am unable to make them out. Yellow eyes, some red... it's cold here. 1 large creature steps in my way, blocking me... I tell him that RW has sent me to speak with Z. He gestures his spear toward a small building, which is guarded by two gargoyles and they let me pass. Once inside, everything is of black stone and gold. Even the fireplace is black stone, shiny. There is a fire going. I ask if the one sitting at the table is Z and he nods, telling me to sit.
Z says, "I know R has sent you here. You seek knowledge. I can give you the knowledge that will give the power you seek to do what you need to do, but first you must tell me one thing. How far are you willing to go?"
I respond that I don't want to lose what light is in me. I'm a healer, and my clan and others need me for that. I seek to reawaken that which I learned from paths once traveled that were not of the light. I do not seek for it to control me, but rather to be an integral part of my warrior training. I will go as far as need be, so long as it does not leave a permanent scar that will prevent me from doing my work as a healer and with the Clan."
"Very well," he says. "What I will show you may hurt you, but you will grow accustomed to it. You will ache. Your mind will scream. You will be drained. If you want these secrets, then you must continue down this path which I will show you. I will not force you to go farther than you will, but you will see things that will make you want to continue. How far you go is up to you. You wish to learn much quickly, yes?"
"I do."
"Well then you will have a scar. Tally it up to knowledge gained. I am sure your clan will not hold it against you. Come, show me what you've got," he says. Z proceeds to throw many magick attacks at me, which I unintentionally and naturally divert with white light, but he holds one on me that feels like it is going to crush my shields and me inside them.. A ball of fire and pure fire energy rushes out from me in all directions and knocks him back. I do not drop my shields, but they are throbbing. He smiles. "Very nice. Now then. Attack me."
We begin to battle with swords and he is upset that I am using an Elven sword against him. "Very well," I say, and put it away to draw my blue sword. He bears a dark gray, almost black one. I pin him up against a wall, having caught his wrist with my blue sword against the wall, in position to remove his hand with the blade.
"Fine, if you want to cheat with weapons," he says. "But what are you without them?" With that, he cuts both swords from my waist and leaves me there weaponless. I tell him to drop his sword and he declines. Now is the time for me to pull out a few tricks of my own. I search my memory but nothing is coming to me. "Hah, you've already waited too long," he says. "I could have killed you by now."
"Then teach me," I say. "This is why I am here."
"Your defensive strategies are good, well-learned. But you must learn to fight if you will ever make anything of yourself. Your shields will only prolong your agony and you will find those who will not give up until they fall. You aren't perfect, and your shields aren't foolproof."
"Then teach me," I say again. He pauses to size me up.
I resume talking to him with the pendulum... my head hurts.
He tells me, "What you want just has to be unlocked. You have a darkness in you from lives past that begs to be reborn. I will unlock this only if you promise allegiance to our knowledge with your blood. This means that you will not teach another what you have learned here, or by your blood it will be taken back. This honours your word with me. You shall honour your word, or have the knowledge revoked. Is this agreed?"
"It is agreed."
"Then by the joining of our bloods do I impart to you the knowledge that you seek in agreement that it shall not leave you for the rest of your days on earth and beyond, that you will honour this pact or be stripped of all knowledge gained here. With this pact, the dark magicks are yours. Learn them as they come to you and commit them to memory." Both bloods are mixed into a goblet of wine. His is black. "Drink the wine of knowledge, and know what you will."
I close my eyes for about 20 minutes and am shown the most amazing, downright wicked attacks and shields that I have ever seen in my life, and they are all coming from me. I look down at my hands and my fingernails are long and black - dark grey - and pointed like claws. Z says I will only see this when the darkness is coming out. He tells me to come back, and so I do. I will not soon forget these things that I have seen and done. He says this is only the beginning.
DD has located me and has come pounding on the door, yelling while I was entranced. Z growled back, "leave us!" When the pounding continued, DD was thrown back from the door, but when DD tried to rush in, RW had appeared to hold him back, telling him I was not in danger. I hate to see his face when I walk out of this house.
Z says, "We will continue. Go quiet your brother, his persistence is starting to annoy me." I apologize and take leave. Z knows I will be back several times over the next few days.
DD is pissed. "Dear, what in God's name do you think you are doing here? Drow are dark, and you are no part of them!"
I say, "Do you think I don't realize that?"
DD says, "Heather, I do not know what has gone on in there but I swear to God, if they try to turn you... Good God... your eyes are black... what the hell have you done in there? What have they done to you?"
"Nothing that you have to worry about dear, it is just a side-effect, it will wear off," I tell him. "No one is trying to turn me."
"Then why are your eyes black," he asks. "Come please, you must leave this place, I will take you somewhere safe."
"I'm done here anyway," I tell DD, "at least for now. You'll see, as soon as we step out of the blackwood, they will turn back. We start walking off and I look back over my shoulder to see Z looking at me through a window. I nod at him, he nods back and DD looks at us both cautiously, mumbling under his breath, "Let's get out of here."
We exit the blackwood and I suddenly become conscious of the wound on my hand and my slashed scabbards. As I stand in the sunlight and look up into DD's bright golden eyes, I feel mine turning back to blue. I look down at my hand and DD takes it, looking at the cut and looking back up at me, concerned, but we then watch it fade back into untorn flesh, as if nothing had happened.
He looks very concerned. My scabbards however are not so lucky, and they must be replaced. DD takes me to the leathersmith. He doesn't speak further of the incident in the blackwood, but I can see his constant concern. I keep telling him I'm fine, but he doesn't believe me. I love him for looking out for me, but somehow I always manage to slip out of his sight long enough to get into trouble. Some things though are best done without him. The rest of the time, I thank God he's always with me.
Unlike MA, who has apparently left my side, leaving me open to everything out there. No matter the others, U, A, E, DD, RW, MD... none know me better than MA. The one I counted on the most has left me in a fit of his own self-pity when I most needed his support. He will still speak with me, but only briefly, and has been too far away to reach, having hid himself from everyone.
When I try once more to find him...
MA: "I am here, Kitten."
I: "You're very far away."
MA: "I know. I need proper time to recover. I have misled you and for that I am deeply sorry." He is barely coming through at all. "Why do you send DR for me dear, you know how to contact me."
I: "But I couldn't. I have not heard from you, I was not able to find you and I felt you were very far away... and not on business. I felt as if I was abandoned."
REFERRING HERE TO A RECENT PROMISE HE MADE TO ME THAT FELL APART:
MA: "I have not abandoned you but you are correct, I filled you with false hope. It was unintentional but it hurt you greatly and... I cannot live with myself for hurting you. You are better off for now without me, without me... filling you with hopes that are not going to come to pass. I only meant to build your confidence and take some of the weight off your heart, but the let-down was much greater than the building up. I was wrong. I must take this time away to reorganize my mind and replace the energies and the sight that I have lost. You will not be without me long, dear. Only so long as it takes me to regain the strength to be the father that you need. You still have U and DD caring for you..."
I: "But not here."
MA: "No, not there, but in the same respect that you are here, they are there and you know that the things set in motion here will, with proper tending and care, manifest to you on the physical plane."
I: "The wheel still has a backwards motion." (A SPELL HE'D HELP ME SET INTO MOTION)
MA: "Then it must be moved to a place where it can turn freely and do what it needs to do. There is still a will commanding that it turn in the way that will continue to take away from you. Take it down immediately, and re-build the spell without me. I may have been the cause of it. My own doubts and influences may have tainted the work we did as I was not in a good place of mind when it was constructed. My worry for you has clouded my thoughts and I must return to clear thinking before I can be of assistance again. Gather you four and take down the wheel... build it again, and call DR in to provide for the earth element. There must be the five. Do it now, do not wait. I will be with you again soon. Do not let me stop your progress."
And with that, he is gone.
I AM UNDER ATTACK - IN THE PHYSICAL PLANE
MY REVEREND IN THE PHYSICAL TELLS ME AND THOSE ATTACKING ME:
Astarte, once said,"I am change, I am light, I am Juniper, purity and a drawer of love" Woman can, woman is and woman will, love is all and I am love. With love on our side we can, we will, survive, laugh, triumph, and walk in the light of love with no backward look. The Crone has seen it, so shall it be. Dragol, Brucel, Gui, Dadle, All the Draco's are fighting, and Raphael, Bridget, Haniel, Zadkiel, and other Archangels and Ascended Masters were petitioned to surround the three and smite them unto destruction. annihilation. The NEW MOON will be the light to show the downfall of them that attempted to harm one of the GROVE, and her consort and offspring. Beware them that seek to harm, you are known and will fall. Shelah.
AND THE CURSE-BREAKING-CURSE IS LAID:
Indeed, you are known. YOU THREE... who try to bind, who intend to harm and to control... you will not prevail. You have begun a war on a Path that leads only to your own destruction. MY time has come. WE THREE are safe - I, my partner, our daughter of Light - hidden well within the Grove, surrounded well within the Clan, ascended on the wings of the Archangels far beyond your reach and the reach of those whom you commission to do your evil works. YOU are limited. WE ARE LIMITLESS.
Know now that the Call To Arms has spread worldwide and it is no longer only me that you are facing, but those of many Paths who stand now beside me, in iron defense of the innocents, for your binds have fallen and their shattering has been heard across the continents, and across the planes.
From the strong wills of women to the strong arms of men,
from the swords of the Angels to the wrath of the Drakes,
from the solidarity of the Earth to the infinite wisdom of the Universe,
our weapons are raised.
You have but your one power.
We three have ALL.
NO FURTHER will you break and bind
NO FURTHER will you curse and charm
NO FURTHER will you seed and leech and
NO FURTHER will you harm.
WE THREE are bound in light
WE THREE are bound in trust
WE THREE are bound in might
WE THREE will do as we must.
A ELFYNTODD DWYR SINDDYN DUW CERRID YR FFERLLURIG NWYN; OS SYRIAETH ECH SAFFAER TU FEWR ECHLYN MOR, NECROMBOR LLUN!
It is begun.
It is begun.
It is begun.
IN REGARD TO A CERTAIN PERSON WHO IS FUELING THE ATTACK AGAINST ME HERE (the one) AND THEIR SIBLING (the lesser one), I SPEAK DIRECTLY WITH A PATRON GOD:
Around 3 a.m., I found Lugh... We had a talk.
Lugh: "When I dropped to [the empty one], I was not pleased with what I was seeing. In the time of Christ, there came a demon to Earth, and his name was Anzuron. In this day, he lives in [the empty one]. This demon [2,000 years ago] called to me and desired to challenge me sword against sword. Others laid in waiting, dwelling between the veils and they launched an attack on me. While the victory was mine [the demon] broke the rules of warfare and kept the broken sword which was rightfully mine. Doing so allowed his armada to render curses on me and now that I have gotten close to the sword again, he will not survive to use it against me again. You are under attack by him, are you not?"
"I am, as are [others], under attack by [the empty one] and the rest..."
Lugh: "Soon you will be free from their control, for as soon as the sword is returned to me, they will be powerless to stop you. You will feel the victory as it occurs. You will see the release of power into the skies. You will see everything returned to you that has been taken from you. Victory will be swift and large. We, the rulers of heaven and earth, assure it. We are with you and your family as the battle wages."
"What of the [one] who controls them?"
Lugh: "[The one] is weak on [the one's] own. There is a high demon guiding [the one] and he is leading [the one] to [certain] death."
"Physical or spiritual?"
Lugh: "Both."
"How long?"
Lugh: "Two years, but [the one's] soul is already his. [The one] will be painfully stripped of [the demon's] control in two moons' time but he will return to [the one] in two years to fulfill his obligation to his master. When this occurs, the spirit will leave the body and [the one] will harm you no more. [The one's] death will be instant and violent."
"But [my daughter] will be safe?"
Lugh: "Yes, at all times. She is the Light and she is protected. Do not take her role lightly, for she is a key unto knowledge that you have yet to know."
"Who has the contract on [the one]?"
Lugh: "His name is Zaranth."
"And of [the lesser one]?"
Lugh: "There will be no physical death for [the lesser one], however when the other two fall, so shall [the lesser one]. [The lesser one] will not understand. [The lesser one] will be powerless. [The lesser one] will only live until [s/he] dies. You will be safe."
This is very good news
SEEING MY LIFE AS MA'S DAUGHTER, WHEN WE LIVED IN ONE TIME AND IN ONE CLAN TOGETHER, AND THE HORRORS THAT TOOK ME FROM HIM...
Last night, I sat in MA's cabin - the one famous with DR and the only one he has seen - sipping tea with MA across a big oak table. Conversation I can't totally recall, but he took a long white taper candle and placed it between us, lining the flame up directly between the area of his third eye and mine.
MA: "I was connected to you. Apparently you were unwilling to connect to me at that moment. Apprehensive is a better word, yes. I would like you to try again. I want to show you the ways in which I have known you, from my own feelings and my own eyes. I want you to understand where our closeness comes from and why you apparently think you are not more special than everyone else. Heather, you will understand when you see yourself through my eyes. Then you will always know where you come from and why I want you home."
I ASK: Should I be prepared for painful images when I return to you and the candle now?
MA: "Yes, there will be some. But you will see why I love you so."
...What followed was a very vivid, graphic, emotional and painful trip back into the past, many MANY centuries ago, from the time of my conception and birth to MA, my life with him, and the attack on our clan in which first my children were killed, and then myself, my throat slit in front of him while he was forced to watch his only daughter murdered in cold blood.
I did not watch this as a third party or bystander, instead, I was made to watch it through his eyes. Not only that, but during this difficult journey, I *was* him - his every sight, emotion, pain, heartache, grief, every joy, every lesson, every embrace. Everything. I experienced my life - and death - as he had. Taking this journey with him has forever changed the way I act, think and feel in this life. I know truly the sheer force of the love of family as it once was, those binds that cannot be broken, and I know firsthand how long forever is.
It has been over 1500 years since the events I re-experienced in this last account occurred. Yes, I have been with him in other lives since, but this one took me back to our beginning and helped to re-lay the foundation upon which my spirit rests. This was by far the most powerful astral event I have yet experienced and as such I believe it would be well that I end this page here.
I truly hope the long journal-like pages that you have finally gotten through have awakened that spark within you to realize that there really is something much more that lies just beyond our day-to-day, and I hope you will carry these lessons with you so that they may guide you into not only ethereal travels and experiences in the here and now, but also give you some comfort in knowing that death is not the end, but yet another beginning.
*Namaste*
BACK TO THE SPIRAL...
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